Honest, no-nonsense video game reviews scored on our own Snout-o-Meter — two nostrils, zero fluff. If it stinks, we'll tell you before you buy it.
Our latest deep-dive reviews, played start to finish before we score a single nostril.
Five and a half years and one frozen final biome later, Valheim crosses its own finish line as the best open-world survival game on Steam — a brutal, beautiful Viking saga whose only real enemies are its own grind and a launch week of rough edges.
A freeride snowmobile simulator whose deep-snow physics are the most honest thing about it: gloriously immersive when they click, exhausting when they do not. Beautiful, moddable, and short on things to actually do.
A pig in goggles with a pressure washer, blasting grime off pixel-art levels to reveal the picture underneath. It is simple, satisfying, and very much a snout of the herd. The cleaning is great, and the Early Access content is still catching up.
Fresh verdicts. No embargoes, no free copies swaying the score.
A freeride snowmobile simulator whose deep-snow physics are the most honest thing about it: gloriously immersive when they click, exhausting when they do not. Beautiful, moddable, and short on things to actually do.
A pig in goggles with a pressure washer, blasting grime off pixel-art levels to reveal the picture underneath. It is simple, satisfying, and very much a snout of the herd. The cleaning is great, and the Early Access content is still catching up.
An eight-year, one-person Nordic survival sandbox that lets you settle down or sail off, and costs less than a pizza. Early Access content is still thin, but the freedom and the cozy low-poly world make it an easy, cheap bet.
A magical-girl climb up the Tower of Babel with towering bosses, a superb soundtrack, and a story that hits harder than its simple combat. The tower is lovely to look at and slow to reward, and the sin meter makes sure you feel every wasted minute.
A warm, funny, beautifully scored 3D platformer from Madagascar that weaponizes flip-flops and hair-grapples against a witch — and then forgets to bring any difficulty. Charm to burn, challenge to spare.
A crunchy, PS2-flavored boomer shooter that happens to be a roguelite, with gunplay and boss fights that deserve better than the stingy upgrade treadmill and recycled rooms around them. Bring a friend and it sings; go solo and it mostly hums.
A frying-pan-and-seagull-cannon cul-de-sac brawler that finally went free-to-play the way its own community begged it to — and promptly watched its recent reviews slide anyway. The chaos is still genuinely fun; it's the week after the F2P switch that's messier than the matches.
A six-player co-op extraction shooter where the apocalypse was caused by your own appliances turning on you — a genuinely addictive loot-and-extract loop wrapped around growing pains that are very Early Access, including a death penalty harsh enough to make you think twice about ever leaving the house.
DRAGO Entertainment sends Uncle back to his rowdy beginnings in a Route 66 bar-slash-fight-club sim that trades gas pumps for beer taps and pig races. The addictive, slightly-too-much-on-your-plate management loop is back — and so, inevitably, is the jank.
The games that filled both nostrils. Our best-scored verdicts to date.
Two nostrils, filled based on what actually matters to the herd.
Mechanics, performance, and whether the thing works the way it was designed to.
How long the game keeps us in the pen after the credits could've rolled.
We buy our own copies. A publisher has never once touched a score on this site.
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